What are the most popular secular theories on Jewish origins? How you ended up with your religio-ethnic label – Jew? Where on earth did you ultimately come from? What are the actual origins of the Jewish people, the authentic Jewish history and Jewish identity? Who pulled off this massive scam? Who invented chicken soup?
Your world has told you that you emerged from a biologically separate group who, through banning inter-marriage, survived intact. Antagonism to this group prevented assimilation. Its culture is centered upon a blind faith in a mythology which explained their and the world’s existence. So, how did this crazy business start?
The ‘Coalescence’ Hypothesis
It is usually stated that there was a long, muddy incubation period of hundreds or even thousands of years. During this, a sort of proto-Judaism grew, absorbing neighboring Canaanite religions and cults. Were there in truth Canaanite influences on a nascent Judaism and some proto-Judaism development spreading gradually with its attendant myths? Is there a nice, convenient story which allows us all the naughty things that Judaism denies us? There were long centuries in the hot, baking Palestinian sun during which it was refined and honed. Those following it were gradually persuaded into believing their mythological, non-existent history through which they had supposedly lived. This was finalized by a demagogue, Moses, helped by that promotional film made by Cecil B. De Mille in ancient times.
This convenient and sadly unintelligent explanation is based upon a mishmash of, shall we say, confused Biblical Criticism, open falsehoods and wishful thinking. A very few facts however destroy this visceral passport to pork sausages. Like many intuitive self-justifications, the hypothesis lacks evidence, logic and basic intelligence. It flies in the face of the facts.
The Rapid Conquest of Canaan
First, it has been proven – by non-Jews of course – that we did not gradually coalesce with anyone. We turned up suddenly, unannounced and conquered Canaan – like the Book says. Joshua’s conquest of Canaan and Hebrew conquest evidence is being dug up as you read this. All research points completely against any form of coalescence, gradual concoction or composition. Secondly, modern discoveries and research begrudgingly support a very, very early initiation of Judaism – no later than 1000 BCE. Therefore, thirdly, the gentile Bible Critics’ myth that Judaism really starting about 500 BCE has been completely exploded. The living communities of non-Jewish Samaritans and Jewish Yemenites prove that absolutely.
As, shortly, you read your personal history – as verified by anti-religious archaeologists – you will see that it makes a gradual or any coalescence an absurdity. There was no long amorphous interlude during which Judaism just grew. We go through each period just below.
Every year is accounted for. From Abraham to yesterday afternoon – the long unbroken chain is evidenced by secular archaeology or non-Jewish accounts. Jewish historical continuity is absolutely clearly evidence – by non-Jews of course, and there really is overwhelming archaeological evidence for the Torah narrative and ‘crazy’ stories.
And throughout we find a thin veneer of unintelligent ‘academic’ misinformation. Allow me to exhibit one of the legion of examples. Now I promised not to use the Torah as a source for anything and I shall not do this. However, I am allowed to use the fact that the Torah contains certain words – let us say, ‘Abraham had camels …’. You can read them and I can read them. They appear. What is implication of their presence in the Text? May I use that fact to prove a point?
Laughing Camels – Camels in Archaeology and Camels in the Torah.
So, let us, indeed, take camels. Yes, camels. You will meet the camel formally, and specifically her dentist, much later in another equally amusing context. But here it’s just camels – as in ‘existing’. We have mentioned these little pets elsewhere on the site. This is the full story.
The Torah says Abraham had camels. I dare not infer from this that camels ever have existed. They may really be aliens. I dare not infer that Abraham existed. I certainly dare not infer that Abraham’s camels existed but I am allowed merely to state that the Torah mentions them. On this we can agree. Now, although I have nothing against the camel – some of my best friends resemble …. However, a large number of archaeologists – especially ones with Israeli names – obviously regarded them as vicious beasts. These experts pronounced that Abraham could not have had camels. They were domesticated only much, much later. (No, not the experts.)
It follows that the Torah must have been concocted later – at a time after we indeed had domesticated camels. Camels were a huge inaccuracy. In the fictional era that fictional Abraham fictionally lived he could not have had camels. This proved the Torah was an ex post facto scam whose authors slipped in camels as a ridiculous anachronism. They were man’s most bad-tempered friend only centuries later.
Debate On Camel Domestication
There grew up a solid and learned body of experts who roared with confident laughter at the simple and stupid fools who still believed in the accuracy and antiquity of the Torah against this evidence. The Torah was compiled only after camels were domesticated.
Indeed, it was absolutely certain and scientifically proven that camels had not been domesticated until, perhaps, the film ‘Lawrence of Arabia’ was made. Before that no-one, but no-one, ever touched or rode on a camel. Camels were wild beasts. Period. The experts conceded camelid use perhaps slightly earlier than the film – but certainly (chuckle, chuckle) not as early as claimed for Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The Torah and its myth about the Patriarchs was written far later – in about 400 BCE by the Prophet Ezra’s pet parrot, and the mentioning of camels was like saying that Abraham used an ipod. At the time that the myth of Abraham was meant to have happened, people indeed rode donkeys or motorbikes or used helicopters – but no one had camels. Abraham – camels?? Schmamels! Those delusional Ultra-Orthodox guys, who want to stop me using the beach on the Sabbath, are wrong. Where’s my surf-board?
Unearthing the Evidence for Abraham’s Camels
Then, Armageddon. The caravan was upset.’
Tragically, and with awful finality, the Torah was proven correct. In 1997, evil, anti-Israeli activists found images, models and even camel hair braid and rope from 1948 BCE, long before the Patriarchs were patriarching or trimming their camels’ forelocks to make rope. The camel was now scientifically proven to have been domesticated that early. There was silence from the beasts – the experts, not the camels – not even a snort. Plenty of spitting – but not a whisper of a retraction. They really got the hump.
Even their secular critics asked them why they had not looked for evidence elsewhere – for their absolute certainty was based on an ‘absence of camel bones’ from a very restricted area of Canaan.
Now we all know that an absence of evidence is not evidence of an absence – unless you have an agenda.
And note also, how this proves that we were not allowed to believe the Torah about camels existing in 1997 BCE, but we could rely on research about camels not existing carried out in 1997 CE. And I am really upset to have to warn you that again and again, without exception, the Torah account – according to our Talmudic dating – fits in perfectly with all the new research.
The camels are but one large and odoriferous example. Even anti-religious archaeology, the new information of ancient civilizations’ accounts, the new dating evidence and all new indisputable discoveries shred so many ‘certainties’ spread by shallow academics.
Not Even a Whiff of Chicken Soup – Jewish presence in non-Jewish Archaeology
If this gradual coalescence theory is true then there should be an equally gradual increase in evidence for a specifically Jewish presence in Canaan. Yet even though artifacts from this exact period are common, and they include items from a variety of pagan groups, not one suggesting Judaism has been found. Further, when Jewish remains are discovered they are all from after a specific date and all the pagan remains disappear very quickly. This corroborates the dates Real Judaism gives for Joshua’s sudden conquest. Even the hardened experts have now accepted our dates: The Hebrews ‘could have been in Canaan well before 1200 BCE…’ (Sir Alan Gardiner, Hermann Schögl, Donald Redford, and (most recently) Israel Finkelstein)…
No, not one piece of evidence for a Jewish presence in Ancient Canaan has ever been found from before Joshua’s appearance. There are mountains of junk from the Canaanites dating from before Joshua’s brass band recital at Jericho, 1272 BCE – all dug up and proudly exhibited. But there is nothing even remotely Jewish from before that – not even a miniature bust of Ben Gurion or shrine to Herzl; not even a chicken soup cube. Nothing. And one cannot accuse them of not trying. Their entire argument, establishing the secular Zionist claim, is that the Land was ‘always’ in the hands of the Hebrews.
The Pharaohs of Canaan
But ‘always’ does not appear to have started before 1270s BCE. Before that, Canaan was under a loosening and fitful Egyptian hegemony. The El Amarna letters of this period which were sent to Pharoah Akenaton by his harassed warlords in Canaan, as we say elsewhere, make no mention of the IDF or blue and white flags.
However after 1270 BCE, Hebrew artifacts and bits and pieces may be found covering almost the entire country, ankle deep. This proves that the Ancient Hebrews had no anti-litter laws and were an untidy lot but it also suggests that this messy bunch arrived only in 1272 BCE and not before – just like the Torah and Talmud state.
We know that an absence of evidence is not evidence of an absence. So I must repeat that there is a mass of material from the pagan Canaanites of that very period but not even one mummified kneidel from us. It seems pretty certain that the Hebrews were where they were meant to be, slaving in Egypt or wandering around the wilderness, until 1272 BCE. Despite the heaps of remains, there is a telling lack of evidence of any Hebrews. Before Joshua we have only left-over chewed pig, donkey, camel and rabbit bones and pagan idols.
Coalescence Nonsense Debunked
And there was no period of co-existence when they shared the land to allow there to be a fruitful cross-fertilization of religious cultures. This was a theory but has been undermined by recent discoveries. Not one mixed site has been found. It is also now politically incorrect because it suggests that Jews actually can take over a land peaceably. The evidence rather suggests that, like in 1948, using a completely bogus sob story about their terrible treatment by the Egyptians, those Hebrews managed to persuade the BCE United Nations to let them take over the whole place and boot out the inhabitants in one fell swoop.
Thus the myth of a gradual metamorphosis of Canaanite tribes into the International Zionist Organization is debunked for ever. For a gentle and lengthy coalescence of Canaanite and proto-Hebraic rituals, mythologies and mumbo-jumbos, we need the Hebrews to be coming on regular summer tours of Canaan to do bit of coalescing and then bombing back down the camel routes to finish the odd storage city, sphinx or pyramid in Egypt. This seems a little unlikely especially as they would not be given any holiday pay.
In the face of all this evidence, you must abandon the slow Coalescence Hypothesis. All the Jewish sites following 1270 BCE have very different features and absolutely no non-kosher animal bones. This could suggest that the invaders kept some strange dietary laws. Wonder from where those came? Perhaps this was during the non-existent forty years of non-existent wandering in the non-existent desert.
The Devil in the Dating: Jewish chronology now proven to be accurate
When did all this happen? We shall prove absolutely below that the secular dating system is now confirmed as woefully incorrect and misleading (as the Vatican finally, finally agreed in 1997!). Chronology is another area which, strangely, can be extremely funny and provide endless entertainment.
Ushering In Brazen Ignorance
Secular and Christian dating all are based on a 17th century charlatan, ignorant of all he professed to know. His name was Bishop Ussher – presumably because he ushered in 350 years of ignorance. From the first his dates did not make sense and the Church had to tie itself in knots and revise calendars for four centuries. Pope Francis in 2014 said, ‘a common date for Easter would encourage “reconciliation between the Christian churches and …a sort of making sense out of the calendar”. Just look up ‘Computus’ in Wiki. What a joke! They kept a few, protected Jews near the Vatican for 2000 years, as we describe later, just to know when Passover was because Easter must fall just afterwards.
The result of his ‘calculations’ created a disagreement of give or take 167-8 years between our Talmudic dates and the rest of the world.
You say 1066 BCE, we say 899; you say 00 (‘The’ year), we say 167. Our approach would normally be ‘What’s 167 years between friends?’ However, this seemingly minor disagreement is of central importance in proving the accuracy and provenance of the Torah and the Talmudic account. Furthermore, this Christian dating was centered on proving ‘The’ year was indeed 00 CE. This needed to fit in with some completely-disproven, imaginary prophecies, as we learn later.
It is therefore necessary to call out the establishment’s inaccuracies and prove them as such. Many of the scams we cover rely on woolly or inaccurate dating.
Rabbi Hool And His Corrected Chronolgy
Recently, as you will learn later, Rabbi Alexander Hool’s book – ‘The Challenge of Jewish History – The Bible, the Greeks and the Missing 168 Years’ – a brilliant and conclusive piece of research, has gutted Ussher and gently roasts him over a mass of incinerating, irrefutable facts. No secular or Christian academic in this field should buy this – if he wants to sleep again. It is packed with indisputable, unassailable, indeed overwhelming facts from non-Jewish sources.
It will be amusing to see how Rabbi Hool is stoically ignored by the establishment, or perhaps actually belittled if they realize that his work is entirely conclusive. You can just hear them, ‘Some ignorant unknown dares to write a book full of obscure stuff we didn’t know about, and a Rabbi to boot! Well, boot him!’ Now this may well be said about your author – but Rabbi Hool is a serious scholar who proves his case, line by line.
Ah, it is so comforting that nothing changes.
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